Patient query

A doctor in a clinic was interviewing a new patient. “If I find an operation necessary,” he asked, “would you have the money to pay for it?”
“Listen, doc,” replied the man, “if I didn’t have the money, would you find the operation necessary?”

Calling names

A hostess is making final arrangements for an elaborate reception. “Nora,” she said to her veteran servant, “for the first half-hour I want you to stand at the drawing room door and call the guests’ names as they arrive.”
Nora’s face lit up. “Thank you, ma’am,” she replied.
“I’ve been wanting to do that to some of your friends for the last 20 years.”

Long jump

A man and woman are fooling around when they hear a key in the door. The woman breaks away and yells, “It’s my husband. Quick, jump out the window.”
“I can’t,” the man tells her. “We’re on the thirteenth floor.”
“For heaven’s sake,” cries the woman. “This is no time to be superstitious.”

Night out

A couple is discussing why their marriage is in a rut. They decide that like many married people, it’s because they never go out and have fun anymore.
“Let’s go out and have a good time tonight,” the wife says finally.
“Okay,” the husband replies. “But if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.”

Double delight

The new father ran out of the delivery room and announced to the rest of his family waiting for the news, “We had twins.”
The family was so excited, they immediately asked, “Who do they look like?”
The father paused, smiled and said, “Each other”.

Salary

Laloo was filling up application form for a job.

He was not sure what to be filled in column"Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote: YES !

Wrong number

An man rang labor room of hospital to see how his pregnant wife was getting on. By mistake he dialled the number of a cricket stadium.
"How's it going?" he asked.
"Fine," came the answer, "We've got four out already and hope to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck."

Prescription

A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient. "Be sure not to take this more often than every 4 hours," the pharmacist says. "Don't worry," replies the patient. "It takes me 4 hours to get the lid off".

Mis-slap

A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reacts and slaps the man's face. "What did you do that for?" the man asks. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"
The man says, "NOoooo...!!!, but my wife out in the car still does!"

Accuracy

An accountant visited a History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old"."Where did you get this exact information?""I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old."

Dog for sale

Buyer to seller: Is your dog faithful?
Seller: Yes, I have sold it 3 times earlier also.

It is so faithful, everytime it returned back to me.

Doctor’s promise

"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia?

I've heard once about a doctor. He was treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."

"Don't worry, it won't happen to you. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia only."

Coffee

Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee.

How wonderful it would be if you serve me coffee free of cost today.

Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup.

How wonderful it would be if you drink from an empty cup today !!!

Race

Santa: Why are all these people running?

Banta: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Santa: If only winner will get the cup, why are others running?

Marriage

Santa: If I die, will you remarry?
Jeeto: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will you remarry?
Santa: No, I'll also stay with your sister.